Reynolds Smoking Homers Like A Bandit
This weekend, my Cougar’s dog had diarrhea all over my foot. So, I wrote a list of Don’ts and taped it to his bed. 1. Do not poop my foot. 2. Do not ever poop my foot. Seriously. 3. There’s no...
View ArticleVotto Tuned
Reds announced that Joey Votto is able to return. Crickets, pin dropping, echo…echo…echo… “God? It’s me, Dusty Baker. If I need him, is Votto ready to pitch?” ”I’m afraid not, Dusty. He’s not a...
View ArticleEaton Good In The SAGNOF Neighborhood
Adam Eaton went 2-for-6 with a run yesterday as the Diamondbacks called up their outfield prospect, and hit him leadoff. The move is to fill in for Krispie, who’s out with a sore quad. Krispie could...
View ArticleNatGio Shows The World One Pretty Pitcher
You could argue Mike Minor threw a slightly better game yesterday and deserved the lede, but you’d be arguing with a computer screen and over what should be the lede on a fantasy baseball blog. It’s...
View ArticleThe Straily Show Is Back
Brandon McCarthy had surgery and is likely done for the year. I’m sure no one wants to see McCarthy leave the rotation like that, even Daniel Straily. It reminds me of the time in Little League when...
View ArticleToo Little, Tulo?
Just in time for the H2H playoffs, Troy Tulowitzki returns to throw a quandary into your lineup. Do you bench a guy that has actually been performing for a guy that hasn’t done anything this year and...
View ArticlePhillies Let Us Enter The Ruf Age
The Phils promoted power-hitting prospect, Darin Ruf, who hit a minor league-leading 38 homers (with 20 of them coming in August). That was at Double-A and he’s 26 years old. In scout speak, that’s...
View ArticleSorry There Ol’ Chapman
Aroldis Chapman is being shut down ‘for a couple of days’ with shoulder fatigue. Dusty actually admitted ”We’re lucky we got to this point” which made every Cub fan both nod and shake their heads....
View ArticleHarvey Milks 10 Ks
The Mets went into their minor league system and pulled a giant rabbit out of their hat with Matt Harvey. *terrible Jimmy Stewart impression* Mr. Potter, I knew a Harvey once. Back in 1955, see,...
View ArticleFelix Ugher
Maybe we shut down pitchers after they throw a perfect game, instead of debating a Stephen Strasburg skin tag and whether we should have it checked out. This isn’t entirely fantasy related, but there...
View ArticleKris Continues Medlen With Opposing Hitters
Spare me while I talk about my team for a moment. I almost missed out on my head to head playoffs. Another team grabbed the final spot one week before the postseason was to begin. Oh no, it was that...
View ArticleRoyals Aim To Odorizzi Their Stinky Season
The Royals called up Jake Odorizzi, which means nothing really for this year. He will start next weekend vs. the Indians, and that could be a spot start in some fantasy leagues, but this is more for...
View ArticleCliff Gets Cheers Bar The Wins
Yesterday, Cliff Lee gave the line 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks to move his record to 6-7 in 190 innings. That’s to go with a 3.27 ERA and a 1.13 WHIP. If you had 7 wins as his over/under for the...
View ArticleScherzer’s Shouldzer Is Hurtzer
The Tigers playoffs hopes just took a shot in the lower extremities. Now if they get to the playoffs, they’ll have to pitch Verlander 4 times in a 5 game series with Miggy pitching the other game....
View ArticleOrioles Promote Bundy To Stick His Hand Down His Pants
After the Orioles played 18 innings on Tuesday, delirium set it in and they said, “We’ve had two bean and cheese burritos since 6 o’clock and we have to pull a double shift ice trucking. Somebody...
View ArticleSandoval Would Prefer If You Called Them Pleasantly-Plump Trippers
Yesterday, Pablo Sandoval hit two homers, and his third in two days to bring his season total to 11. The other day when Alberto Callaspo hit his 10th homer, I went into our Fantasy Baseball Player...
View ArticleCan Drew Storen Save Your Season?
Poor Tyler Clippard. It seems everyone wants Drew Storen to be the closer in Washington, Clip is merely a place filler who’s done so well in Storen’s absence (3.22 ERA, 32 SVs) that they didn’t have...
View ArticleDoubront Directs Sawxshank Redemption
Yesterday, Felix Doubront went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks and rose The Walking Dead in Boston. I wonder if Stephen King helped recruit Doubront for the Red Sox. I wonder if there’s going to be...
View ArticleIt Was The Worst Of Times, It Was The Best Of Times
That title is lifted from Jimmy Dickens’ A Tale of Three Cities, the younger brother’s blatant ripoff of the classic novel. For what Jimmy Dickens lacked in originality, he made up with his ability to...
View ArticleAnibal Sanchez Victorio
Anibal Sanchez threw a complete game shutout with four baserunners and 10 Ks. I told you to draft him! (Then drop him.) Shut up, Parenthetical, you know-it-all. (That’s kinda harsh.) This is...
View ArticleWednesday Was Don’t Take The Hump Day
Did anyone pitch well yesterday? Clayton Richard (3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks) went in Petco. Hodgepadre, why do you let me down the last week of the season? Do I not feed you after...
View ArticleOne HR, Two HR, Reddick, Bluedick
The .245 AVG is going to look ugly next March but 31 HRs and 80+ R/RBI has been nirvana for anyone (like Rudy) who plucked Josh Reddick off free agency in shallow leagues this year. The power is real...
View ArticleHomer Bailey’s No-Hitter Wins Your Fantasy League
Despite his unfortunate name, Homer Bailey pitched the first Reds’ no-hitter since 1988 last night, completely shutting down the Pirates down-and-out offense, allowing just 2 base runners on an error...
View ArticleMoustakas Out Of Beta
Mike Moustakas left yesterday’s game with a groin injury that could end his season, which would also end his sophomore slump (the “o” is silent in sophomore, like when you make love to your woman —...
View ArticleSantiago Leaves Indians Bats Chilly
Yesterday, Hector Santiago went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks. Hey, it’s the White Sox closer from 6 months ago, with that gig lasting for a minute. Not an Urbandictionary minute, which is a long...
View ArticleShields Runs Into Orioles Lucksaw
Yesterday, James Shields yields 15 Ks, 1 run, but a win ain’t won. Murray Chass just bid a penny on the world’s smallest violin on eBay so he can play it just for Shields. Murray had this to say,...
View ArticleEntering The Winter Of Meh Content
We laughed, we cried, we laughed and cried about Eric Hosmer. Take off your homemade aluminum hat that you wear so aliens can’t hear your thoughts and think back to March. You had that argument with...
View ArticleGet Discounted Players With MIAMI*TRADE
I went into TurboTax and entered the Marlins $100 million payroll going into last season, subtracted Jose Reyes, Hanley, Josh Johnson, Buehrle, Bonifacio, Buck, Infante, Gaby, Anibal, Heath Bell and...
View ArticleA Role Dis Chapman Was Born To Play
There’s rumblings that Aroldis Chapman will be in the rotation. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard this. In fact, I think every year since Aroldis costumed himself as a giant cigar and smuggled...
View ArticleBraves Find Angel Investor For Tommy Boy’s Salary
The Braves dumped Tommy Hanson and his salary for a free agent acquisition to be named later. Imagine the Braves get Hamilton. Heyward/Upton/Hamilton, zoinks! Although, they are more likely to get...
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